


Alone Time

by bmw4fh1017



Series: After the Winter Soldier [21]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Recovery?, bucky is a good dad, nightmares about hydra
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:35:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22530340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bmw4fh1017/pseuds/bmw4fh1017
Summary: "My stories... well mine will scare you. They'll be the reason you don't want to sleep alone in your bed. I know because they scare me."
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: After the Winter Soldier [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1434925
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Alone Time

Tessa was already standing up in her crib by the time Bucky reached her room. They had moved her out of their own room just a week earlier. Steve had been apprehensive; not wanting her too far away. Thankfully Tony set up a state-of-the-art baby monitor. It even sends a text to Steve and Bucky’s phones when she starts crying.

Though Tessa crying wasn’t the reason Bucky lifted her out of her crib at 1:30 in the morning then tip-toed out of her room to the living room. He suspects he has gotten her on a schedule. She seems too used to waking up around 1 am. He hates knowing that it’s his fault.

She reached up and touched Bucky’s damp cheek. He smiled softly, kissing her forehead.

“Thanks for being up with me,” he whispered hoarsely, “I need some company and don’t want to wake daddy. He has enough sleepless nights as it is. He doesn’t need to worry about me.”

He settled Tessa down on the living room couch, surrounding her with the decorative pillows Pepper had given them as an anniversary present. Tessa reached out her arms to Bucky. Understanding her unspoken command, he hurried into her room and returned with her stuffed bird. He couldn’t help but feel better as she hugged it to her chest.

He smoothed down her hair with his right hand, “I’m glad someone is smiling tonight.”

Bucky sank into the couch sighing. He ran his hands through his own hair, tucking loose strands behind his ears.

“I hope Daddy lets you sleep late in the morning. He always gets you up with him: bright and early. Maybe it would work if I set all the clocks back by an hour or two. Though that’s when you two have alone time. I guess this is when we have ours,” he looked down at Tessa. She had the stuffed bird’s beak in her mouth.

“I know one day we’re not gonna be able to talk like this anymore. Daddy’s gonna wake up and find us here. Or you’ll tell him yourself. You’ll probably be a little chatter box. All my sisters were. You already are, just not with actual words yet.”

“Daddy,” Tessa whispered.

“Okay, fine,” Bucky sighed with a smile, “That’s a real word. Maybe one day you’ll tell daddy what we’re talking about. Boy is he gonna be mad at me then. Doesn’t want you to know anything bad in life. He wants to protect you from everything. I do too. I just wish I still believed it was possible.

“I can’t say any of this to Daddy, though. For a soldier who seems to be grounded in reality, he’s a real dreamer.”

Memories of Steve pre-war floated through Bucky’s head. The little punk going up against bullies twice his size, trying to enlist multiple times— he had to have known he was gonna lose, right? Steve picked those fights. Steve put himself out there even when he didn’t have to. The serum had been dream come true for Steve.

Bucky had once been optimistic like Steve; had once looked forward to a bright future.

He thinks Hydra killed that part of him. He wasn’t pessimistic though. He didn’t exactly dread the future. But he didn’t expect good things. He just knew that whatever came up in life, he’s already been through worse.

“You know, Tessie. One day I’m gonna have to tell you what I’ve been through, no matter what Daddy wants. And he’s gonna tell you his stories too. You’re gonna like his better. With gods, aliens, robots, and all the amazing people he’s met along the way, they’ll sound like fairy tales to you.

“My stories… well mine will scare you. They’ll be the reason you don’t want to sleep alone in your bed. I know because they scare me.”

Bucky rubbed his eyes. He looked down at Tessa, who was mindlessly playing with the bird.

“There is nothing good about my memories as the asset. Don’t even know what they’ll tell you in school. Nothing bad, I know that.”

Steve had fought to make sure the Winter Soldier is taught as nothing but a POW in all American schools.

“There are videos of me being tortured. I’m pretty sure Auntie Nat made them public in 2014. Maybe some insensitive high school teacher will show them to you in class.”

Bucky rearranged Tessa against the pillows so they were facing each other.

“All that is many years in the future. I’m just dreading the day when you ask why I have a metal arm.”

He tickled her side with his left hand, watching her giggle excitedly.

“And one day you’ll know that I haven’t gone more than one week without nightmares since I was 26-years-old. Things have gotten better. Most nights I can go back to sleep without waking up Daddy. If he does wake up, I can usually convince him everything I fine. Then there are nights like these.”

Bucky places a hand on his daughter’s back. Tessa puts down her stuffed bird down and starts to pay attention to what her dad is saying.

“I didn’t want to kill anyone. Didn’t have a choice. It didn’t even register what I was doing at the time. Only when I was found by dad, and he made me human again— taking away the mindless weapon Hydra was using me as. And now I have nightmares.”

Bucky picked up Tessa and placed her on his lap. She leaned into him.

“You’d think I’d be upset— maybe a little resentful. But I’m not. Not at all. Because I love your dad. I had a life before the Winter Soldier and he was there. And he’s right here in my life— our lives. I’m glad I’m away from Hydra. And free will is worth a few nightmares. It’s not the end of the world.”

Tessa yawned and started to doze off against Bucky.

“Okay, I’ll take you to bed now, baby girl. We’ve been up long enough. I do enjoy our little talks, though.”

Bucky brought Tessa and her bird into her room, making sure both were tucked under soft blankets.

“Good night, Tessa,” he whispered and silently closed the door behind him.

Doing his best to stay quiet, Bucky crawled into bed besides Steve.

Steve’s eyes fluttered open, “Everything okay, Buck?”

Bucky nodded, kissed Steve’s cheek, and lay down to fall asleep.


End file.
